You Need to Touch
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2004
You Need to TouchHarlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2004 |
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From the moment of birth, touch is the medium through which we first become acquainted with the world. Psychologically, it is the first means of communication between the newborn baby and the mother. It has been proven that a large percentage of babies who are raised in an orphanage and are not handled and touched, rarely get past the age of two; they literally wither away. Messages the baby picks up through the skin are enormously important. The way the parent holds the newborn, the pressures, the caressing, the cuddling, influence the way he or she grows and develops. The frequency with which you were touched as a child as a direct relationship to your responsiveness as an adult. As a child, for whatever reason you were touched, whether it be play, punishment, bathing, etc., it all had an effect on you today . Chances are, if you were touched often and lovingly as a child, there will be no area of your body where you will not want to experience the pleasure of your lover's touch. On the other hand, if your memories of being touched by parents, relatives, other children, bring forth visions of punishment, rejection or abuse, even though you are a grown person now, your body will withdraw from touch fearing further hurt or the return of painful memories. This is your mind getting in the way, telling your body not to enjoy feeling today, because of some unpleasant experience in the dim past. Without touch stimulation, humans cannot function properly. Those of us who have not received enough touch stimulation early in life quite likely can't establish "good contact" with others. They "rub"' people the wrong way. Many of our delinquents today received little touch during childhood.
Our early touch experience is so important that it becomes the basis for the most massive of all touch stimulations-sexual relationship. People who have had proper touch experiences are not as hung up about sex as individuals who have not. Unfortunately, most Americans are non-touchers. A well-brought-up American will apologize to anyone they touch by accident. It is considered almost an attack on one's integrity. You probably have never thought about touching in these terms before, but now is the time to start. It can be a whole new beginning for you in the world of sensual, sexual, loving touch. Granted, deeply ingrained fears aren't easy to overcome, but aren't the rewards of a full, deep, ever-expanding sensual fulfillment worth the effort? Studies of primitive peoples indicate that they know the importance of touching. And because of this, they seem happier, healthier. Today, the value of touching is more openly accepted by younger Americans. They are no longer afraid to put their arms around each other. They're not as worried about remarks people may make. They're beginning to feel freer about it.
All of us should realize that the taking of the hand or arm of another or putting your arm around another's shoulders without feeling self-conscious is fundamental at appropriate times. You ought to be a warm, loving, cooperative human being. One of the essential ways of demonstrating this to others is through the way you touch them. You touch them with words and ideas. And you touch them physically with love and affection . The importance of this touching can no longer be denied. At the end of social gatherings, you have heard, "Let's keep in touch." You've heard of "touching scenes." Both expressions tell us more explicitly than literal language how people feel. For example: a touchy subject, a soft touch, a touch of genius, put the touch on, rubs the wrong way, your words touch me, etc. Personal touch is a basic biological need. The Importance of touch is evident in the way people greet each other in different parts of the world. In Russia, it is the bear hug; in France a kiss on both cheeks; in Rome a pinch on the cheek. Polynesians greet each other by rubbing noses and patting various parts of their visitor's body. In South America some tribes paint their visitor's body and adorn it with feathers, and in Hawaii the tourist is adorned with a garland of flowers around the neck by way of greeting. Americans use the handshake, a form of greeting which tells us more than we may realize. For example, the cold, limp, withdrawn hand conveys a feeling of not being welcome, whereas a firm, warm, friendly hand can become the sign of a pleasant meeting . And note that one of the largest selling records of all time was the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The touch experience is an important part of the boy-girl relationship. Next Issue: the 9 steps in the development of an intimate relationship, and the role touch plays in each. Read Part 2: Importance of Touch
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