Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
Getting back with ex is bad for your health (science says so)
Of course, we all know that stalking an ex on social media is never a good idea.
But we also know that it’s stronger than us, we can’t help but do it.
The pain of seeing someone move on without us can be excruciating, and even when our friends do nothing but remind us that there will be better, we will find better, we may be there thinking eager to try again and give it another try.
But getting stuck in that limbo of relationships-not-relationships that can only be explained by It’s complicated is not at all healthy-literally, says science.
In fact, according to a new study published in the journal Family Relations, relationships between exes, both heterosexual and homosexual, have been found to be linked to increased symptoms of psychological distress.
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Scientific Findings
The study, which examined the cyclical nature of relationship endings, reunion, and the subsequent effects this can have on an individual, collected data from 545 individuals in total; 279 those involving same-sex relationships, and 266 of different-sex relationships.
If you have found yourself in such an intermittent relationship, constantly struggling to try to make things work on the extreme instability of rocky ground, then don’t worry, you didn’t imagine anything, and what you experienced was all true.
In fact, the study explains,
Behavior patterns related to couple breakup and reunion have been linked to increased symptoms of psychological distress, as the accumulation of sudden changes in relationships can create additional turbulence for individuals.
Certainly, taking time and space from a partner can offer both parties a perhaps needed break or renewed appreciation for each other, but there are some pitfalls and even toxic behavioral patterns to be wary of, including seeking (yet another) comfort with an ex that will lead to nothing different.
Expert’s Advice
I advise partners to think about why they broke up when they think about trying again.
I advise them to ask themselves whether things are really going to be different this time, study co-author Kale Monk told Time. So, it can be helpful to have an explicit conversation about the issues that led to the couple’s breakup, especially if problems or disagreements of the same type are likely to recur.
In addition, the expert emphasizes that those who have experienced abusive behavior or emotional abuse should seek help, and especially combating the guilt that can result from this breakup (often the main reason for getting back with an abusive ex).
It is okay to end a toxic relationship.
If your relationship is beyond repair, don’t feel guilty about your physical or mental well-being, continued Monk
Therapy or counseling might be a good option for people struggling with the decision to work to repair and stabilize their relationship, or to leave for good.
