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How to manage stress before a date?
Reading time 7 minute(s)
You are about to meet the one you love and your excitement is dampened by a little snag: you are panicking! What if he or she doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him or her? What if we have nothing to talk about? And even worse: what if I get a rake? Etc… Well yes, as the fateful moment approaches, a lot is going on in your head!
Stop this mental logorrhea that only fuels your fears. According to Alfred de Musset, you can’t fool with love but I say: you can’t fool with stress either! The secret is as our Stoic friend Epictetus said: There is what depends on us, there is what does not depend on us and it is by keeping this maxim in mind that you will become Stoic. You will tell me: easier said than done, it is true, I grant you that, but by following my wise advice, below, you will no longer fall into the trap of stress and you will go to your appointment with a light heart…
1. Accept that you do not control everything
You can’t help it, you are getting on your nerves It’s the unknown that scares you. You want to control everything, to know in advance what will happen. You project yourself far, too far… Who asked you to put yourself in this state? You put the pressure on yourself! Yes, perfectly, you are the only one responsible for it!
How does your stress state start? It’s very simple, you start by having a thought and then reacting to that thought (action/reaction) and then you trigger another thought and so on, it’s what we call the snowball effect. Then sometimes you go so far that you somatize and you make yourself sick. And there you literally don’t control yourself anymore, you panic and you lose all your common sense.
And then there’s the totality of it, when you ask the people around you for their opinion: everyone has their own experience and without wanting to, influences you, disturbs you and puts pressure on you.
So, to avoid plunging headfirst into this counterproductive state of stress, don’t focus on the event, because it’s by stubbornly focusing on something that it becomes obsessive and stressful.
My tip: stay in the present moment, be Re-a-list: yes, right now at this very second, everything is fine, your feeling about the personyou will meet is positive? Then stay on it and Basta, stop your drama!
Stay calm and objective about the situation and this way your body and mind will thank you! It would be a shame if you went to your appointment with a painful lump in your stomach, right?
And tell yourself that if you knew everything in advance, would life have as much flavor? Imagine reading a book and already knowing the ending… what’s the point 😉
2. Be positive!
Haro on the beliefs! It is indeed your thoughts that condition your reality and dent your confidence capital and even your good mood. So let me reassure you, everyone makes the same mistake, we’re all tempted to make up our minds. Before your appointment, you must armor yourself and above all not psych yourself. Here are some of my tips:
Concentrate only on the facts: you have chatted with someone you are interested in: Good! You have discovered affinities: Good! You BOTH agreed to meet: Good! Keep the positive feelings you had during your exchanges and this will strongly condition your state of mind on the day of the meeting.
Keep your self-confidence: take the time to list your qualities and your positive points to make you aware of your value.
Invent a positive autosuggestion phrase that you will repeat to yourself in case of stress, like a mantra such as: Everything will be fine, I know what I am worth.
Don’t remain passive: to remain positive, you have to be in action: you have a negative thought about yourself or about this appointment? Do an activity that relaxes you or challenge yourself in any area so that you don’t let that thought get in the way and dampen your spirits. You’ll see that the cursor will swing back towards the positive because you’ll be proud of yourself and pumped up for your date!
Finally, keep this sentence in mind: I never lose: either I win or I learn (Nelson Mandela). So, if everything doesn’t go the way you want it to during the meeting, at least you’ll be set and you’ll move on!
3. refocus
Be aware that stress loves speed. So the solution: slow down! How do you do it? Well, there are a few techniques147252
Breathe slowly through your belly while thinking about your romantic exchanges with this charming person you are finally going to meet (you can even imagine pleasant things and these movies are allowed because they are positive! ) and stay a few moments in your enchanted bubble…
Calm your mind: this is essential because in this way you reset the counters to zero and you regain your energy and bring back beautiful ideas in you as after a good night’s sleep (have you ever woken up at night with the solution to a problem? )
Three solutions:
Either by Meditation: everything can be a pretext for this practice, there is no need to be a pro or to sit cross-legged in a totally quiet place. The main thing is to practice a soothing activity such as yoga or even cooking. The principle? While being concentrated on your task, it is a question of making slow gestures and encouraging calmness in you thanks to the listening of your 5 senses in the present moment. And if a negative thought appears, let it fly away like a passing plane 😉
Either by writing: for those who are skeptical of meditation, this exercise can be a good alternative and can be very effective: the goal is to clear your head so write down all your apprehensions, wishes, desires and anything else that comes to mind. Once you have written down all your worries, your head will be free of this mental pollution.
Do some sports: this is also a time for you to release endorphins and activate your serotonin, enemies of stress and therefore necessary for your well-being and your good mood. And it doesn’t hurt to tone up a bit to feel at the top of your seduction and boost your self-confidence!
4. organize your appointment
Control what you can control…
The best thing to do is to prepare a checklist that you will fill in as you go along so that you don’t forget anything on the big day, including the following points:
Your vision of the couple: what you expect and what you don’t want.
Place and time of the appointment.
Your outfit for the D-day: don’t worry, the main thing is to be yourself so no stressthere is no need to dress up to feel uncomfortable in front of your potential loved one.
Your questions to ask this stranger and the points on which you will not deviate.
The topics of conversation: no stress either, take up the topics discussed during your virtual conversations and then look for topics that interest you in order to determine if the other is in the same trip as you, if he or she is on the same wavelength.
On the day of the date: just check your list and you’re done! You’ll quietly join your love conquest, you’ll accept that things will happen as they should and let Cupid spread his wings… or not… 😉
