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Is it true love or infatuation? Here’s how to tell if you are in love
Have you been in a relationship for some time now, like each other, enjoy each other but can’t quite figure out how you feel about the other person? Figuring out if you are in love is by no means an easy thing.
In love, in fact, there are no hard and fast rules, precise timelines or a checklist: some people know they are in love after only a moment; others develop feelings after months or even years of small gestures.
That said, however, there are some common signs that you are probably falling in love–and we’re not talking about those all-encompassing can’t eat, can’t sleep feelings. Here they are.
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How to tell if you’re in love: all the signs to watch out for
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You want to tell the other person everything
Falling in love is different for everyone. But Robert J. Sternberg’s triangular theory of love identifies three main aspects: intimacy (the desire to feel closely connected), passion (physical and emotional stimulation) and decision/commitment (the determination to stick together).
That said, the most telling sign of whether one is in love is whether one finds oneself wanting to share as much as possible with one’s love interest, from a small victory at work to family problems.
He is always in your thoughts
Sure, it might be trivial, but it’s true. You know you are falling in love when your partner begins to occupy all your thoughts.
You may find yourself remembering your conversations in the middle of the workday, thinking about your next date days in advance, or even imagining your future together.
Similarly, when you fall in love, you tend to experience a feeling of warmth. This could mean, for example, that you cannot stop smiling when you think about your partner
You are dying to know if your feelings are reciprocated
Do you love me or don’t you? If you find yourself constantly wondering if the person you are dating has the same feelings for you, then this is another sign that tells you that yes, you are in love.
It makes you feel good about yourself
People struggling with falling in love often report feeling better about themselves; as if they know more or can do more.
There is often an experience of self-expansion when people fall in love, meaning that their sense of self grows through their relationship with this new person. For example, someone whose partner loves hiking might begin to consider himself or herself a hiker as well.
Friends point out to you that you don’t talk about anything else
Close friends are often able to see things that we ourselves do not see. For example, if you keep talking about your partner or keep inviting him or her to ladies’ dinners, chances are that others have already figured out that you are falling in love.
And although friends will certainly understand the situation, it is still important not to forget to look for a new balance. 14
That person becomes your priority
To figure out if you are in love, you only need to ask yourself one question: have your priorities changed since you started dating?
If you are reorganizing, redefining or reinventing your life, then you may be falling in love.
Equally obvious is when making changes to your schedule to ensure that you are available to spend time together is not at all a sacrifice. On the contrary.
You desire his presence
Yes, just as you desire a dessert or a piece of cake.
This happens because the area of our brain associated with concentration and desire (called the ventral tegmental area) causes the release of increased levels of dopamine when you are in love.
You find even his quirks attractive
To find out if you are in love try to think about what you like about your partner. If the answer is everything then your heart beats only for that person.
You will begin to find everything irresistible; this includes even the little quirks, the odd sense of style or the particular way he does things.
Ignore other attractive people
Gone are the days of constantly opening dating apps: if you realize that you are not so inclined to investigate those other fish in the sea, then this is another sign that you are falling in love.
Are you more sociable
Do you suddenly find yourself enjoying a chat with the less-than-nice colleague or striking up conversations with the grumpy neighbor?
Falling in love can take us off autopilot and allow us to see everything and everyone in a new light. Love can contribute to a greater sense of well-being and lead to a positive outlook that can extend far beyond the person you are dating.
Friends tell you that you are going off the deep end
Replaying your conversations in your mind, analyzing messages, mulling over what to wear on your next date? We’ve all been there.
Changes in stress or anxiety can correspond to the early stages of falling in love.
Although exhilarating, the newness of a relationship, uncertainty, and the intense experience of new love can cause stress, as indicated by cortisol levelso.
Share more and more of the other person’s interests
Whoever first coined the saying two become one was not kidding: when two people in a romantic relationship get to know each other, their self-perceptions begin to merge.
Because of this self-to-other overlap, people see themselves as more similar to their partner and may confuse their own characteristics with those of the other person; to the point that you may even begin to dress or talk like him or her.
You see a future together
You may notice that it doesn’t seem strange to you to book flights together for that overseas wedding in six months or even start talking about where you will spend your next vacation. This, too, is a sign that helps you know if you are in love.
Everything just feels right to you
The most important sign that you are falling in love? Everything just feels right to you.
Part of this is because one of the characteristics of being in love is this feeling of rightness, certainty and absence of doubt. Because of this, you may begin to notice that you no longer worry if he sees you after a phantom gym session or don’t even consider the possibility that he might be frightened by your quirks.
When we fall in love, the parts of the brain responsible for social judgment and critical thinking go into a slower operation, and so the questions and self-assessment that we might have in alternative circumstances are missed.
