Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
Love behaviour: do you love badly?
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Love and Ego: the ego … This dirty beast !!!!
Love is empty of ego, ego is empty of love… (Sai Baba Indian Spiritual Master) Do you understand? Well uh… I reassure you, instinctively we are all the same… You think you act for the good of your darling, you mother, you advise, you think you please him or her or rather YOU please? He or she doesn’t like what YOU like? Are you compulsively jealous? He or she does not think about YOU 24 hours a day? And if there is rebellion in the air, you get on your high horse without trying to understand…
Well yes, it is your ego that is affected and the truth is that you can’t stand it! Tell yourself that the other person is not your toy and that no one belongs to anyone. He or she is not YOU! Moreover, you certainly know the book Mars and Venus: men and women react differently, women are more sentimental and men more pragmatic so their love does not manifest itself in the same way… So, put some water in your wine and listen to your other half. To love the other person is above all to understand them, not to think for them, not to think that I know and they don’t, so put your ego aside and be mature, Co-mu-ni-quez!
Love and dependence: you project your own neuroses on the other
We are never so badly protected against suffering as when we love (Sigmund FREUD). Again, I know… It’s hard to take! Loving brings back neuroses or wounds from the past such as the fear of abandonment, the fear of losing the other person, the fear of loneliness, the lack of self-confidence or the need to be protected… Then, you become jealous, possessive, manipulative… Emotional dependence and frustration set in… These evils belong to you and involuntarily your other half suffers and you make him/her, often unconsciously, unbearable life.
Your fears are not his and it is up to you to manage them, to know their origin and to remedy them as soon as possible at the risk of systematically repeating the same disastrous love pattern. Do not blame the other for your own neuroses (and yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is not always the other’s fault). Sometimes, we can even talk about unconscious collusion when we You choose the other person because you think he can cure you of your problems, you idealize him and this omnipresent attitude does not favor true love and in the long run can destroy this relationship initiated on a misunderstanding…
Love and Illusion: you think that the loved one is the absolute guarantor of your happiness
Never put the key of happiness in the pocket of someone else (anonymous author). You think you have found the Holy Grail in the person of your loved one? He or she protects you from everything and is fully responsible for your happiness? Unfortunately, it’s an illusion! In the meantime, hello pressure… Not to mention that it is guilt-inducing for the other person. A relationship that is too fusional is destructive because you expect too much from the other person. So, to evolve in a healthy relationship and to truly love the other person, first love yourself and gain confidence in yourself, then alternate moments with your other half, either alone or surrounded, and moments for yourself, either alone or with your own relations.
Tell yourself that you can’t share everything with him or her because it’s normal, you have different personalities and the other person doesn’t necessarily have the same interests as you and that’s fine. Also tell yourself that you are the only person you have to support from one end to the other of your life so happiness depends on yourself and nobody else! Even if it is necessary to make compromises in a couple (because we are not animals, it is necessary to please too), to give the full powers to the loved one will make you unhappy. Therefore, keep your secret garden and a certain freedom.
Love and devotion: you don’t set limits
Never let anyone judge your life and your choices because no one has experienced the same thing as you (anonymous author). And yes, you have the darling you deserve! Under the guise of your love and admiration for the other, you show extreme devotion and forget yourself for the benefit of the other, especially if you are a woman (a question of education perhaps…).
You think you are doing the right thing, but alas, it is to your detriment. Especially if the other person does not react as you do (sometimes he/she can even feel suffocated). You thus feel a lack of recognition and frustration, and then there, if you accustom it badly from the beginning by a surplus of attentions, hard to return in aI advise you to avoid the mistake of giving and taking, that is to say, systematically expecting a return from the other person, because a proof of love must always be disinterested and, moreover, the other person does not have the same way of giving as you do (I refer you to the first paragraph on ego).
The fact remains that you MUST remain faithful to your values and not accept everything from the other person, who must respect and understand you. From the moment you feel that you are losing your identity, the relationship is bad: for example, you must not accept inappropriate criticism of your family, your religion or even your friends at the risk of finding yourself isolated and chained to your loved one and waking up too late realizing that you have missed out on… your life…
