Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
Polyamour : meeting with the polyamorous concept
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Here is a little quote that perfectly sums up the meaning of Polyamory: One can be in love with several people at the same time, and with all of them with the same pain, without betraying any of them (Gabriel García Márquez)…
Imagine that one day your partner offers you a deal: What if we became polyamorous? In order to avoid falling for it and giving him a direct pie, you should know that this practice, often assimilated to libertinage or swinging, is in reality very different from that. Indeed, polyamory is based on sentimentality and honesty, so starting from this premise, it changes everything since the different actors are aware and consenting and that all this is done in the name of love and not just for a question of sex (even if it also counts).
Besides, our friends Jean-Paul SARTRE and Simone DE BEAUVOIR as well as the late Chief Paul BOCUSE (who had three lovers!) were great adepts of polyamour! Before revealing to you the hidden underside of this enigmatic word, we warn the sensitive souls that this article could surprise and more particularly those who are attached to the traditional couple 😉
1. Another way of living love
Polyamory is in a way the good fairy who by her little magic wand frees from the shackles of the traditional couple well wise and routine as conveyed by the society which although approved by some is a real prison for others. The followers of this practice have the courage to assume their way of life and to leave their conditioning and their frustration in the respect of themselves and their loves. It should be noted that the primary instinct of the human being would prevent him from being satisfied with only one love…
The functioning of polyamory is simple and relatively healthy: already one bases oneself on a sensible fact: nobody belongs to anybody thus haro on possessiveness and jealousy! The key word is love, so it’s a matter of surrendering to the feeling of love each time it arises, whether you are in a couple or single. And no adultery or cheating or guilt because the different members of the system are aware of it. No imposed pattern: only the rules of life that YOU set with your different partners count and infidelity is their violation. Each relationship is insured.and independent of others and the feeling of love is lived with the same intensity.
Note: choosing polyamory does not necessarily mean that the couple is unhappy. You can be happy with your partner but feel more fulfilled by juxtaposing other relationships. Also, only one person of the couple can be adept of polyamory if the other agrees. And then, it is possible to live at the same time several forms of love: love passion, love desire, love attachment. Finally, polyamory can create a virtuous circle in the sense that it promotes the personal development of each person, which benefits each partner.
2. the promises of this new love eldorado
100% feelings : The feeling of love is at the base of each relationship lived in parallel with the others. Sex is therefore not at the center of the system. It is only in the background and is not mandatory. Sincere love is felt and the emotions are therefore multiplied tenfold: we let ourselves be carried away by the exhilarating whirlwind of our plural loves.
0% lies – 100% good conscience: Zero lies means zero guilt. Communication plays a major role in ensuring the success of this arrangement and the various relationships that result from it. The key? Honesty being the basis of respect for others, you must not hesitate to address your concerns, however small they may be, so as not to feel left out or weakened, and to set clear and precise rules of life beforehand, which must suit all your partners: for example, if you have a primary relationship, you can agree that secondary relationships do not take place inside the marital home or set specific days to delimit the time given to different relationships… And then if you tend to jealousy, you can also agree not to talk about your different relationships to your lovers (always with their consent).
0% boredom – 100% fulfillment: In a classic couple, the other person can not satisfy us 100%, we must always compromise and take it upon ourselves. The advantage of living in several simultaneous relationships allows us to fully satisfy our own expectations, to feel free and fulfilled. All the relationships put end to end complement each other and complete us: no monotony, no routine and we can feel free and fulfilled.fly through life filled with love, excitement and good vibes!
3. polyamory is not a cure for love sickness
Without going so far as to live the schmilblick of the love trio of Jules, Jim and Kathe in the novel Jules and Jim which ends with a dramatic denouement initiated by the unstable and eccentric Kathe, poorly managed polyamory can lead to disillusionment and collateral damage to collapse like a house of cards.
Despite its beautiful promises, polyamory is unfortunately not a panacea either, and the tribulations of love are multiplied as many times as there are relationships because in general the intensity of feelings is very strong with each partner. Indeed, just like chocolate, polyamory does not solve for long the personal emotional deficiencies (your inner emptiness) nor the neuroses linked to love such as the fear of abandonment, the fear of losing the other person or jealousy: there is no miracle solution on this subject, only a work on yourself can help you. And besides, we advise you to do it at the risk of making your lovers run away! So don’t think that the accumulation of love relationships will solve your personal problems.
So, before getting involved in this atypical love scheme, find out more about this practice and if you are really too jealous or even too dependent on love, refrain from it at the risk of feeling abandoned and weakened by this system: one good man is worth two;-) And anyway, always think about protecting yourself (in every sense of the word :-)).
In short, there is no ideal situation and the choice of this or that love practice depends on the personality and experience of each person…
