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Recognizing emotional dependence in a couple
Reading Time 3 minute(s)
When we see the word addiction anywhere and everywhere, we all get a sort of chill running down our spine. Addiction is a scary word because it is often associated with bad things like tobacco, drugs, alcohol… So to see this scary word attached to that other one that is so dear to us, affection, may seem strange. So let’s take a look at what emotional dependence is and how to recognize it. Focus…
What is emotional dependence?
The expression emotional dependence refers to the intense suffering that a person can feel in a love relationship, because his or her own emotional needs are not satisfied by the love returns of the other person. This expression conveys, among other things, the idea that the emotional demands of the addict are too excessive or even immature. Consequently, the emotional dependent (or AD) will tend to look for an external solution to his or her inner needs without these needs ever being fulfilled in this way. And this way of doing things has dramatic consequences on his love life.
How to recognize a profile of an emotional addict?
After such a serious definition, you want facts, concrete facts. Objectively, an emotionally dependent person always repeats the same emotional pattern, which has been anchored in him/her since childhood. It is a person who often had very difficult relations with his parents during his development, preventing him once adult, to become autonomous on the emotional level. Thus the AD is most often subject to unrealistic expectations towards his or her partner, impossible demands to satisfy, permanent dissatisfactions… In addition to this, the AD will have enormous difficulty finding a partner who is suitable for him or her and will most often, unconsciously, opt for someone who is unsuitable and who will make him or her suffer even more And yes! We all know someone around us who is as unhappy as a rock with a partner who doesn’t deserve him or her and who continues to cling desperately!
Locked in this vicious circle, the emotionally dependent person will have to deal with a constant need for love and attention, the obsession to make this inadequate partner happy and finally, undergo manybreakups that all look a little bit the same.
I think I am an emotional addict, how can I get out of it?
Beware of confusion! Dependency is only really dependency when the needs become a source of suffering. Being emotionally dependent is not a disease but a choice. An unconscious choice certainly, but a choice all the same. It is the choice to live your life through your partner! Indeed, the state of dependence provides very intense sensations which one must know how to give up in order to really blossom. Once you are aware of your addiction and the fact that the person who shares your life is not your love dealer, the hardest part is already done. Most of the time the DA simply has to learn to love himself or herself as he or she is and not play the chameleon to satisfy everyone…
