Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
Sexting: 8 golden rules to follow if you want to have (virtual) quarantined sex
Sexting literally means the exchange of sexually explicit content (photos, audio, video) via technology and social.
Yay for wi-fi and data traffic!
** #iorestoacasa but I’m single: survival guide to quarantine alone **
Unique chance to have sex (albeit virtual) for all singles and those who spend quarantine away from their partners, it’s having great success even among those who have never tried it before.
** I can’t see my boyfriend: how to safeguard your relationship if you quarantine apart **
On the other hand, why give up a little escapism right now?
** Reconnecting with an ex during quarantine might make you feel better (but under a couple of conditions) **
But, and this is a big one though, as with real sex there are rules to follow to do it safely.
1. There must be mutual consent
The first rule is the most basic one: there must be mutual consent.
We reiterate this because it is not a given at all: many people receive explicit photos well before when they would have thought they would receive one, sometimes even right after exchanging phone numbers on dating apps. We don’t.
We get there together at the point of sharing. Always. Everyone has their own time and it has to be respected, whether you know each other in real life, whether you’ve been together (maybe for too short a time to think about quarantining in the same house), or whether you met on a dating app.
If the minimum basis of respect is not there, teleport at supersonic speed to other shores.
** Quarantined with Tinder: free feature to search for connections even in cities other than the one you’re in **
Our guide to sexting during quarantine doesn’t discriminate against anyone: we cater to singles, physically separated couples, couples who want to have fun with something they’ve never experienced, and you name it (okay, okay we get it!)
First thing absolutely, sexting is not something to be undergone; if you undergo it, it’s something else.
If you perceive exaggerated insistence on the other side, it is not good. People who do sexting have a responsibility true to themselves and others: you have it in giving yourself the option of withdrawing from the game at any time, the other in accepting that the game can be interrupted at any time, and vice versa.
Never send photos or videos that depict you in the face if you are naked
Golden Rule: we are talking about photos that detail our anatomy, don’t take pictures of your face.
Not (necessarily) out of mistrust of those who are sexting us, but because it is still a photo of you that ends up online. Be cautious.
3. What to write and not to write while sexting
Postulate consent, green light to have fun and space to express your desires.
Ask explicit questions, what do you like, how do you like it. Even the shyest people have sexual desires and fantasies, make them feel comfortable if you are the most outgoing. They will give you great joys.
At the same time express what turns you on. Sharing pleasure in sexting is key, you don’t have the person physically next to you, so beyond the pure explicit photo, imagination is really everything.
Photo by Dainis Graveris on SexualAlpha
4. Put the right soundtrack
Create a safe space in the house where you can enjoy your erotic chats in peace. Create an atmosphere that makes you feel comfortable.
The right music for example helps a lot to feel relaxed, there are sensual compilations hands down everywhere, or create your own.
Nice to tie a playlist to a person, don’t you think? Everyone has their own favorite genre of sound to germinate erotic desires.
It’s kind of like the difference between having quantity and quality sex. Scented candles? Penumbra? Sensual clothes? Lingerie? Jumpsuit? Anything goes, you have to enjoy it.
5. Who to sext with (and who not to)
Choose the person you sext with well, because while it is a very enjoyable virtual sexual surrogate, it risks creating the illusion that you are safe from disappointment. It doesn’t.
Try not to get carried away, always keep your wits about you.
If you are sexting with someone you already know (the precious human species friends with benefits for example) and you have had live sex, you will have a minimum of confidence. Explore it.
If you are a quarantined couple in different homes or cities, let your imagination run wild.
Beware of comebacks, exes randomly knocking on the door of our smartphone, pay attention to the later. If they were rascals or imbeciles before, they still are and will be again.
Let’s not be subtle, let’s be aware, always. The situation we are living is very delicate and we are more delicate, more exposed so a sexting partner or companion today has to be at the very least laced with empathy.
If you are experiencing a new encounter, same rules, lucidity and presence toward yourself and about what you want you would have if the encounter was real, and not virtual.
6. Should I send photos for sexting?
Exactly the same as in live sex, you get to arousal each on your own way.
Some people like to see the smallest anatomical details, others like to imagine.
It’s all about respecting each other’s timing.
A word of advice: one less word about the need to finish at all costs, one more word to make it clear that you are present toward each other’s desires and not just your own.
7. About dirty talk
The rule of what you like or don’t like always applies here as well, but above all, of the desire to experiment.
Written sexual language is important, it stays in chats like photos, think about it.
Sexting is an act of trust.
You can say the most vulgar and crude things with amused sweetness as much as the most lewd and harmless things with hateful aggression. Tones are important.
Via chat, there is no voice inflection and we cannot perceive a welcoming gesture that may accompany a strong sentence, so let’s always, always be ready to adjust our pitch (pun intended!).
8. Conclusion
Keeping in mind the directions we have given you, give free rein to your erotic imagination.
There are illustrators like Charlotte Cauvin who can whet your appetite, images that tickle your sexual strings, gifs, you even have Pornhub for free, what more do you want to get ideas!
And then give yourself real virtual dates, as if you were going to see each other for a hot date. Come up with fun situations, post-orgasm endorphins are an invaluable balm, di-ver-ti- you.
If you have multiple partners at once, don’t mess around with chats and INOLTRAs!
Texts: Tinderella / Ph. Pexels
