Signs to tell if the sex between you two is not going (and take corrective action)
Doubt that sex is wrong creeps into the mind and especially between the sheets in many situations, some of them solvable, others less so.
In the sense, it may be a period or a problem.
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To see if the problem is there and, if so, how to solve it, here are the 10 alarm bells to watch out for.
** People who have (good) sex live better: science says so **
If you find yourself with three or more of these clues, it means something is wrong.
But don’t worry: in many cases it can be remedied, and for each problem we explain what to do to fix it quickly.
10 signs that sex isn’t working (anymore)
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Do you feel free after having sex
If as soon as you have finished making love the feeling you get is that of a kind of liberation, then there is something to review.
Sex shouldn’t be a task to be done unwillingly, like when you have to hand in a job and can’t wait to finish it.
To dribble this problem, try to empty your mind during passion.
Strive to dismiss all thoughts, anxiety and reasons for stress and enjoy (literally) the present moment.
Often that sense of liberation is because in the meantime you were thinking about what you have to cook for dinner, that email the boss is waiting for or the shopping list.
Sometimes you just need to clear your head of thoughts and live in the moment, thus anchoring yourself only to emotions, instinct and, last but not least, pleasure.
Don’t you have common sexual fantasies
It used to be a continuous Let’s pretend that…, Dress like…. and Tell me this or that… while now the script is earthy. Try to remedy the problem by feeding hot fantasies again, both yours and your better half’s.
You don’t have to dress up as a cosplayer: just echo something that turned you on long ago, call him or her a movie or TV show name that drives you crazy, ask him or her what you want, and guide him or her in the pursuit of pleasure.
Conversely, urge him to share his cravings with you to start playing in earnest (of the series, when the going gets tough…) and you’ll see enough feeling recreated to rekindle the flame.
There is little spontaneity and a lot of planning about when to have sex
Sex instead of him asking you or feeling the need for it you are reminded by Alexa or a fertility calculator app?
Routine already plays a very negative role but if you add scheduling to that, hello.
Strive to get aroused at all sorts of times, even at crazy times like in the middle of the night. Surprise him and overwhelm him with pure passion.
If the planning is related to the search for a child who makes himself wanted try to be less demanding of yourself, enjoy the moment for what it is, without projecting into a future that is always uncertain and impossible to predict.
Granted that it is understandable, necessary, and right to plan according to one’s fertile days, even if you are tired of being told this, we still tell you: not thinking about it too much is the surest way there is for it to come true.
Aren’t there positions that you both like
Don’t find the right fit not certainly on an anatomical level but on a pleasure level? Look for it, at any cost.
Among the many positions that the Kamasutra teaches us, there will be at least one whose idea appeals to both of us. If you don’t find it by experimenting with it in practice, start with the theoretical basics: get a copy of the Kamasutra and leaf through it together, having fun doing it.
When you find something that on paper would seem to agree with you, move on to the exercises and keep at it until you find what suits both of you.
It will be a fun and exciting way that will give you satisfaction in bed but anThat quite a bit of complicity you haven’t tasted in too long.
You no longer exchange outpourings
Sex is not just about the first step of foreplay and then moving on to the most beautiful.
The very first stage of passion is that of loving outpourings, the real fuse that ignites the fun. Caresses, voluptuous kisses, mighty hugs or even just a light touch with a very sexy twist, this is what ushers in unforgettable sex.
In the long run, the bad habit of no longer kissing sets in in couples, so if you’re one of those couples whose ultimate transportation has become holding hands at the supermarket, run for cover immediately.
A long passionate kiss, a sensual massage or a dance to the tune of a song with the syncopated rhythms of soul or blues will help turn the tide. And the car seat.
Speaking of soul and blues, know that these are musical genres whose rhythms are based on those of sex, so perfect for igniting the urge.
If you try to isolate yourself in space of your own
Do you notice that lately you prefer to be alone, not sharing space with your partner?
If he is sitting on the couch then you go to the bedroom and watch TV? If he also seems to do the same way, ill-tolerating your presence, the problem exists.
It’s already not good that one of them tends to move away but if it’s even both of them going one way and the other in the opposite direction, the couple is in danger of crumbling.
Try to find a free zone, a space where you can find each other.
Whether it’s in the kitchen in front of the stove, experimenting with new recipes together, or on the aforementioned couch ushering in the viewing of a new TV series, anywhere is fine, as long as you try to get close again.
You constantly complain about each other
Another bitter enemy of sexual chemistry is looped complaining. Continuing to criticize your partner and hearing him or her do the same is not good for your heart or even below.
Although for many love is not beautiful unless it is quarrelsome, criticism has never helped anyone’s libido, so avoid it outright.
Instead of those, try praise: focus on your partner’s pros and share them with him, you will see that he will be pleasantly sorpressed.
And just as you respond in rhyme when you argue, the same is true when you praise each other, which is why you will stimulate him to say something nice about you. From words to actions: a hug, a kiss, a caress, and off you go!
The smartphone is a third wheel (even in bed)
The number one public enemy of sex is the smartphone. Our whole life is now characterized by the omnipresence of this accessory that has become our appendage, which is not good for the couple feeling.
The cell phone, in fact, is a window to a world of our own: we open Facebook, glance at notifications, post a selfie du Instagram while casting a glance at the news… And meanwhile, the moment of chemistry with our better half is blurred.
If you should already do without them during dinner, let alone in the bedroom.
Yet it often sits on the nightstand, just in case an email comes or someone calls us. This connection to the outside, to the outside versus the couple, does absolutely no good because it makes the internal bond less strong.
Don’t flirt anymore
Flirtation is not something to be nurtured only at the beginning, during courtship. One should try to flirt all the time, even after years of cohabitation, engagement or marriage.
It seems difficult, for some impossible, instead it is so easy and almost automatic after the first few times you try.
Relate to each other as if for the first time, exploring each other without preconceptions and discovering some new facet of each other’s personalities.
Think you know everything about your partner? You are sorely mistaken. Put yourself to the test; the sense of challenge will increase sensuality.
Don’t take care of your appearance anymore
Last but not least, look shabby. At the beginning of a love story you always make up, shave, backcomb and perfume.
You never risk being seen not looking right. Then as time goes on you start to not take such good care of your appearance when you are alone with him, which could lead to a reduction in libido.
And we’re not talking about the partner’s libido, but our own, because getting ready, dressing well, bejeweling and putting on makeup help us feel sexy, more comfortable and beautiful, which has positive implications on the psyche.
Feeling better about ourselvesis the first step to feeling better with others as well, partners first and foremost.