‘Since we’ve been quarantined we’re always fighting’: how to tell if you’re in crisis or if the tension of the moment is to blame
The days of quarantine in isolation are testing even the pairs that seemed most solid.
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Moments of forced cohabitation (or those of forced distance) in many cases have exacerbated discomfort that may already have been there or have given rise to a series of increasingly frequent quarrels.
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You are beginning to ask questions, you resent many of his behaviors, and everything seems to be increasingly increasing the distance between you, whether you are in the same house or your relationship now runs only through phone and video calls.
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The question buzzing in your head is always the same: are you in crisis or is it the tension given by the situation of the moment?
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Here’s how to find the answer to that question.
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Frame the problem
The first thing you can do is ask yourself what the real problem is.
Are you unable to communicate? Does his clutter bother you? Is he being selfish? Doesn’t he help with household chores? Does he belittle your fears? Or none of the above and it is you who are impatient?
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You have to frame where the problem lies before you can figure out what’s underneath otherwise it will be hard to find a solution.
Remember how you were before quarantine
Do not forget that there was a time when you lived in the normalcy of your couple and daily rhythms.
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How were you together? Were you fine or were there already problems between you?
The stressful and tense situation may have amplified existing problems to the point where they seem almost insurmountable.
If so rest assured, it could just be the strain of these weeks of fatigue.
Question your feelings
Last but certainly not least, you need to look within.
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This situation generates questions but it also has the ability to connect us with what we really feel and then to get answers.
How much do you value your relationship? Do you feel (without thinking) that he/she is the right person?
Because if so, you should take charge and talk about it.
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Stop pretending everything is fine or putting it off, this is the attitude that will cause more damage than the problem itself.