Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
What makes a man want to commit?
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Committing to a long-term relationship, with plans for the future, marriage or having a child may seem obvious to some men, or make others dizzy.
When a man is slow to make a commitment it can be due to several factors. First of all, it is important to understand the reasons for your partner’s reluctance to make a commitment, so that you can implement actions that will make him want to make a commitment.
And since actions are better than words, don’t expect him to commit verbally, when he feels ready to make your relationship official he will introduce you to his family and friends, he will want to spend more time with you, and he will talk to you about the future. These are the signs you need to look for to know he’s ready.
There are many tricks to get a man hooked, so much so that he won’t want to part with you, and will plan for a long term love story. But you have to keep in mind that the idea has to seem to come from him.
Reassuring a man to commit
Just like women, men have fears regarding the couple life. They know that it is not enough to love each other for a story to last. Their fears are mostly about having to give up their passions or their friends. They are also afraid that a routine will be established between you.
To reassure them, start by showing interest in their passions and loved ones. Offer to come to his soccer game if he’s playing, and show enthusiasm. He’ll enjoy teaching you new things about what drives him on a daily basis. However, don’t come to every practice either, give him some space to himself. If he introduces you to his friends, try to keep it natural and take an interest in them by getting to know and like them.
This way, your man will know that he can continue to live the life he loves so much today, while integrating you into his daily life, and spending good times with you.
Concerning his fear of boredom, there you will have to play on your personality, and on what makes you unique.
To begin with, take charge of certain appointments. Suggest that you take care of all the organization, and surprise him on the choice of the outing. Opt forr unusual places and activities for a romantic date. Why not a quad bike ride, a picnic far from your city, or an unusual cultural exhibition. Make sure that each of your meetings is filled with happiness and laughter. This way, you’ll avoid routine, while creating a surprise effect. He must think that he has never had such a good time with another person, and that you are probably the only one who can give him that experience.
Let him know that he can lose you
Men naturally need a challenge. So to push him to take the step towards a lasting relationship with you, you must never seem to be totally taken for granted.
If after several dates you’ve been generous and attentive to him, and yet he’s not ready to share his life with you: stop it! Yes, by radically changing your attitude, your partner will ask himself countless questions. Above all, he will wonder if your love is slipping away from him. The fear of seeing you move away from him should make him react if he is sincerely in love.
In the same way, you can create the lack, by making yourself less available for him. Take advantage of this to go out with your friends, indulge your passions, travel if you feel like it.
In a few words, continue to live your life as before, and don’t hide from it. He will think that he may not be the center of your universe and that you can be happy without him. He will also know that, since you are free, you can meet new and potentially serious people. This will probably make him want to make your relationship more official.
At the same time, if he wasn’t sure of his feelings towards you, he could have a real realization and realize that you are his soul mate.
The little plus of this method is that you will be able to take advantage of it to step back from his fear of commitment that torments you so much, and you will also take some time for yourself You will feel good because you will take care of yourself. This happiness will be contagious and will send him positive vibes.
Make him your everyday hero
Without becoming dependent on him, but by entrusting her with everyday tasks that you can’t manage to do, you’ll be titillating her male instincts. Men need to feel useful.
So give him the opportunity to help you, or his support in the face of small worries of your everyday life. This can be as simple as bringing you a glass of water at night before you go to sleep, or putting a picture frame up. Don’t overdo it either, and remember to always show your gratitude. He will feel valued and appreciate that he was able to do something for you.
Talking about commitment with a man: the mistake not to make!
In any case, if there is a trap to avoid as much as possible, or at least to use only as a last resort, it is to talk directly to him about your desire for commitment. This is very likely to scare him away if he doesn’t feel he is ready.
For a man, commitment is not only living together, but also planning a wedding and/or children. This scares some men, especially if the idea does not come from them. The pressure could be too much on your loved one’s shoulders, which will reinforce the blockage. The effect may ultimately be to drive him away.
Know that actions are worth more than words. A man who commits himself is above all a man who is able to envisage a common project for a life together.
