Why don’t men court anymore? The answer from psychology
Are you wondering why men don’t court anymore? Actually, you have a point: unfortunately, courtship lately is often skipped in...
When breaking up is the best choice: 8 reasons not to pile on a relationship that doesn’t work (anymore)
It may be that we love happy endings and tend to fall in love with lost causes, but in real life, unfortunately, there is not always a gleaming castle waiting for us after fighting the dragon.
Sometimes one fights the dragon and there is really nothing behind it.
Are you carrying on alone in a relationship that is treading water on all sides? Are you pursuing a man who just doesn’t want to know about turning into a prince?
Here’s why you should let go: you would do both of you good.Continued below the photo)
Getting stuck will not make it work
Continuing to drag out a story that does not make you happy becomes a kind of therapeutic overkill carried on hopelessly.
You cannot turn a fruit salad into a chocolate cake, it just doesn’t happen: if you want a slice of cake you have to go and buy that and possibly in a bakery, not in the fruit department.
You will not change him or your relationship if you are not happy.
You risk letting the right trains pass you by
While you are hoping for miracles and trying to turn a self-centered Latin lover into the loyal good guy to introduce to Mom or, even worse, a party boy into a quiet boyfriend to watch movies with on Saturday nights, the right trains are probably passing you by.
As you are typing and retyping the message to send to the wrong one, the right one may be next to you at the bar, only you are staring at a screen.
Wagons are not to be pulled by themselves
Two oxen go in front of a wagon, one on the right and one on the left, there is never an ox pulling and one passed out on top of the cart.
This means that if you are alone dragging a relationship probably the only thing you will get is a lot of back pain.
You cannot force someone to be with you, and even if you could it would not make you happy in the medium to long term.
You’re with him but you still feel lonely
The question you should ask yourself is, Is it better to be alone with two of you or alone by yourself?
It sounds like a Marzullo question but it’s simple, being with someone who doesn’t share anything with us, who doesn’t hang out with our friends, who doesn’t plan trips with us, who we always have to chase and beg for won’t make us feel any less lonely: in the end you are a single chasing after someone who runs away, better to be a single chasing, right?
You are not doing your own good
You are wasting time, your own, and hurting yourself, how?
By continuing to mortify yourself with someone who makes you feel wrong and who is convincing you that you do not deserve a peaceful and normal relationship.
Or perhaps you are festering precisely because you think you don’t deserve it and want confirmation?
Everyone deserves it, including you: you just have to believe it.
It turns you into a sad person
If you can’t get rid of a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, all you’re doing is risking becoming sadder and sadder.
How? If he doesn’t understand you, if he continually belittles you or throws crumbs at you every now and then, like you do with chickens, it can never, ever turn into anything comparable to a real relationship.
You will end up continuing to try to start a car.without an engine, you will always be left stranded and increasingly miserable.
Does it make you lie to yourself
Can you really look at yourself in the mirror in the morning? After he has gotten out of your bed again and you feel lonelier than ever because you don’t know when he will show up again?
Are you happy with what you have?
That’s it, you tell lies to everyone but yourself.
You lose sight of what you really want
When you chase after something so stubbornly, you often stop asking yourself if you are really going for what you want.
Stop for a second, ask yourself why you want to conquer that castle so badly, is he really the one who can make you happy? Or maybe you just want confirmation that you can have him?
Stop running, sit down and then choose where to go, you might even realize that the direction you are going is not so right.
