Why we are jealous and how to stop being jealous
There are two types of jealousy.
The healthy kind, made up of glances at your partner if he/she turns to look at another person or jokes aimed at communicating that he/she should have eyes only for us.
It is a trust-based jealousy that is useful in uniting the couple because it shows care and concern for the relationship.
And then there is disproportionate jealousy, that which is not based on actual facts but on the person’s perception of what he/she sees or even imagines.
This feeling is out of reality; it can be experienced with much distress by those who experience it and with bewilderment by those who suffer it.
And so quarrels and estrangement arise.
If you find yourself in this description, you should know that it will not lead to anything good.
We give you 4 pointers to keep jealousy at bay and live the relationship better.
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The chronically jealous person is dead certain that he is right and would never question his suspicions. On the contrary.
What often happens is that he is the one who fosters doubts and uncertainties because everything that happens he interprets as an indication of guilt.
Stop looking for evidence to blame the partner, look at the situation as if you were an outside spectator and you will change your perspective.
Stick to what you see
Those who are very jealous tend to project their fears onto the relationship with the result that they often see reality in a distorted way.
For example, you get very angry if your partner receives a message from an ex, you think of strange conjectures, secret meetings, Now they will start to resent each other, etc.
Stop, it’s just a message and the rest are non-real fears: what do those few lines mean to your partner?
Answer this question, take a deep breath and think that you are there now by his side.
Face your fears
Behind strong jealousy there is always fear.
Fear of being abandoned, of being laughed at by society, of being alone are just some of the most common fears.
Try then to think what would happen in the worst case scenario that is, if your partner actually leaves you.Think of 3 ways to rebuild your life and routine.
If you look fear in the face, you will be less afraid of it.
Talk to your partner
If you are jealous of the new attractive colleague, talk about it now.
Don’t wait to check your phone or follow him on his lunch breaks with GPS otherwise the day he arrives home a few minutes later than usual, you will make a scene of unwarranted jealousy.
Explain to your partner how you feel, your fears and the weaknesses you feel you have. If he loves you you will find comfort, understanding and nurture the relationship.